User Profile

Name: Dib
Species: Irken
Gender: Male
Age: Unknown

Appearance

About four feet in height, Dib looks like any other Irken, with the exception of his ridiculously large head. (It's not that big. Everyone just says it is. Really.) Out of his disguise, he's got green skin, a distinct lack of ears, bulbous blue eyes (blue's not really a thing that happens in the original canon, but this is such a ridiculous AU that you guys'll cut me some slack, right?) and a pair of black antennae, which scythe back. He wears the standard Irken Elite uniform, although he does have his own outfit, rather spiffy really, in black and blue. It goes well with his eyes.

In disguise, he appears to be a perfectly normal human (think Tak, only with Dib). No, the mun didn't just do this to make searching for icons easier - really - so don't even think it. In disguise, he's got spiky black hair with a little scythe-thingy of doomy-doom on top, wide, round eyes with glasses for full effect, and he wears a blue shirt with a gray neutral emote under a black trenchcoat. Oh yeah, and he never takes off his backpack - it's sort of the disguise for his PAK.

Personality

Bright, intelligent (mostly), and just a tiny bit obsessed with the paranormal (ie, planets and alien races that no one else have ever heard of, because, let's face it. Whoever heard of a space Bigfoot?). Energetic and blind to the ridicule of his peers, he goes after his beliefs with a passion. He's got a tendency to go into long rants in the face of disbelief, when he notices it, and is a bit of an outcast - some might say even a defect - mostly because all he ever talks about is… well… alien races no one's ever heard of and planets no one else believes in. His biggest obsession is humans.

He's not all that bad for an Irken, really. Sure, he wants to conquer the galaxy and maybe even the universe just as much as the next guy, but he'd really rather be studying or doing research. (Did we mention the fact that he's a defect? 'Cause he is.) He's got a tendency to be overly egotistic, believing firmly in his own genius. Oh, and he talks. A lot. Incessantly. It doesn't matter if anyone's listening or not.

Call his head big, and you'll really get it. Really, it's not that big, so why does everyone keep saying that it is?

Unlike Zim in the normal canon universe (because naturally, in this universe, if Dib's Irken then Zim's a human - it's just the way those things work) who is absolutely blind to all of his faults, Dib is aware that he's got some. He just doesn't do anything about them.

Abilities/Strengths

He's extremely intelligent, capable with computers and technology. He's got plenty of common sense, something that most humans seem to lack. He's agile, quick, able to climb over and under just about anything, without the aid of his PAK. He can fix/repair just about anything (he's had to fix his Voot cruiser a couple of times, and he's tinkered a bit with Earth technology - which, of course, is child's play compared to Irken technology), can hack into just about anything (Zim's computers don't stand a chance). He hardly ever stops working; he's like the Energizer bunny. (Yes, I'm being lazy and lifting this from my OU Dib's profile. Hush.)

He's strong for his size, and physically resilient. (Yes, now I'm lifting stuff from Zim's profile. I wrote it originally, so it doesn't count as plagiarism. Nyah.) He can shrug off physical damage that would be crippling or fatal to humans. Oh, and he's got the PAK, which provides his body with the necessary nutrients he needs to survive. It's also got nifty little spider legs which he can use to run even faster, and climb over stuff he can't get over on his own.

Weaknesses

His obsession with the paranormal has made him an outcast, and has cast suspicion on him - if it keeps up, he'll wind up going on trial for being a defect. Of course, he hasn't actually really hurt anyone - much - because of it, but still. It's just not good. He's incredibly excitable, prone to sudden outbursts, and his incessant talking tends to keep people away. Oh, and he doesn't really want to destroy anything. (Defect, anyone? Yeah, we thought so.)

He's allergic to various Earth foods, which makes it difficult for him to blend in - or it would, if anyone cared to notice. Water causes his skin to burn, as do substances such as meat. If his PAK is removed and not replaced, he will die after ten minutes.

Notable Posessions:

The PAK - it provides him with life support, weapons and tools, spider legs, night vision/X-ray goggles, is capable of producing a force field, and shooting lasers.

The Voot cruiser - an Irken spaceship, stolen from some poor unsuspecting sod. He reprogrammed it to obey his commands, and no one else's. How else did you think he was going to get to Earth?

Videocamera - an Earth device, useful for recording audio and visual information

Malfunctioning SIR unit - Well, we had to get GIR into this AU somehow. Since Zim's a human, obviously Dib gets GIR. He tried fixing the robot, but for some reason, it just won't fix. It kind of, sort of works, though. A little bit. Not much.

History

A long time ago, on a planet far, far away, far beyond the reach of even the best Earth telescopes, an Irken was not born so much as… created. This 'smeet', as baby Irkens are called, named himself Dib. At the moment of his birth - whereupon he was taken from the glass jar in which he'd been growing and was shocked into life - his PAK was fused to his spine. He was destined, it seemed, to grow up a perfectly normal Irken, but for a few problems. One: he was a defect. Bummer. Two: He had the worst bad luck of any Irken ever alive ever.

In fact, Dib's bad luck started the day he was 'born'. At just a few minutes old, Dib caused a disaster known as Horrible Painful Overload day, in which he blocked up the entire activation chamber because he wouldn't shut up and let the Control Brain get on with what it was doing. The incident plunged the planet Irk into darkness for five whole years.

Some years later, in the event known as Horrible Painful Overload Day II (no one really knows exactly what happened then) he plunged the whole planet into darkness for four years. Well, what did you expect? He was tired of all that military talk, and wanted to escape to the planet's surface to look for new alien life forms! And Space Bigfoot.

Many, many years later, while working as a scientist on the planet Vort (in the military research division) he sort of kind of accidentally killed the Tallest Miyuki, who was visiting the research lab at the time. A telescope fell on her. Dib's telescope, actually. It was a monster of a telescope, designed to look at, well, Earth. And it kind of sucked. A lot. (He was working on a really tight budget. What could he do?)

Some years later, on the Irken military training planet Devastis, while training to become an Invader, Dib accidentally killed Tallest Spork. (Man, this guy's got bad luck.) It was a telescope, again. What it was doing at the Tallest's initiation, no one knows. But it was there. And it fell. On Tallest Spork, during his initiation.

But of course that wasn't the only trouble Dib would get into on Devastis. Of course. And it was - you guessed it - another telescope. This one was colossal. It was huge. And it fell, right on the power grid, blacking out half the planet and trapping an Invader-in-training in her room, gaining him an enemy so great, so powerful that… well, that comes later.

Once finished with Invader training, Dib was assigned by Tallests Red and Purple (with whom he'd had some rivalry over the years - he staunchly believed in humans, they laughed in his face) to stand and watch Operation Impending Doom I from the middle of a small circle that they had drawn. There wasn't a telescope in sight. Of course, because Dib knew that Earth was out there, somewhere, he ignored the Tallests (because really, isn't kind of stupid that Irk's leaders are just taller than everyone else? Really. Come on. Defect.) Somehow he wound up single-handedly ruining Operation Impending Doom I by trying to get to Earth.

After that disaster, Dib was banished by the Tallests to Foodcourtia, the Irken snacking planet. There he slaved under the rule of the tyrannical Sizz-Lorr, for many years, spending what little free time he had going on to anyone who would listen (and to some who didn't) about the planet Earth and its inhabitants that he would someday go to study. One night, as he sat exhausted in the break room, he happened to catch sight of a broadcast from Conventia - the Great Assigning for Operation Impending Doom II was about to begin. Convinced that this was his chance to prove to the Tallests that he was worthy, Dib stole a Voot cruiser and hightailed it to Conventia, just before the Foodening began on Foodcourtia. He arrived just as the Great Assigning was drawing to a close.

The Tallests were dismayed to see him, and when he demanded, pleaded, begged that they allow him to look for and try to conquer Earth, they eventually gave in, believing that they were sending him on a fool's errand, and that no such planet existed. He was to be lost in space, floating forever among the stars.

Each Invader was to receive a SIR unit (Standard Information Retrieval unit, which is a robot programmed to collect information and assist its Invader); the Tallests didn't want to give a working SIR unit to someone who would be hopefully lost forever in the cosmos, so they created a SIR unit for him out of junked parts they dug out of the garbage, and programmed it with a few paperclips, a screw, a bubblegum ball, and some 'monies' (the Irken monetary unit). Dib knew that the Tallests had given him a throwaway, but he didn't care - he'd reprogram it when he arrived on Earth.

He knew, or suspected, too, that the Tallests were simply trying to get him out of their antennae, but he didn't let that get him down. No. He had a mission. He would go to Earth, and then they'd see. They'd all see. He wasn't crazy. He wasn't a defect. He would prove to them that he was right.

Once on Earth, he set up base in a remote location, and simply studied the humans before he even thought to begin interacting with them. He simply waited, and studied, not even thinking to call the Tallests to tell them that he was right, and that he'd arrived safely on Earth. When he felt that he knew enough about the humans, he crafted for himself a disguise. The SIR unit would stay at the base, he thought, so he didn't bother making a disguise for it. It made a disguise for itself - a green doggy suit.

In order to make his disguise more effective, he styled himself to be the son of a world-famous professor - the famed Professor Membrane. Using Irken technology, it was easy to brainwash the professor and his daughter into thinking that he, Dib, was the professor's son. He crafted for himself a short history, and went to live with his new 'parent' and 'sibling'.

He kept to himself, mostly, hiding his research and technology in his room - no one ever bothered going in to check it out. He enrolled in the local Skool, then, to further investigate. There he met his greatest rival and most interesting case study - a human by the name of Zim. Zim, who was… stupid. Zim, who was the perfect specimen of humanity. Zim, who thought he was an alien, and went out of his way to tell people that he was. Dib, of course, didn't believe him for an instant, but all the other kids were absolutely convinced that Zim really was an alien. Dib tried to get them to see the truth, tried to show them that he was really the alien, but no one listened to him.

When he finally did get around to contacting the Tallests, he never could stay connected long enough to tell them about the humans - the humans he'd been right about.

Everything was going smoothly, except for the occasional hitch or two, and then one day, a new kid showed up in class. A new kid by the name of Tak. A new human to study. Dib followed her incessantly, watching her every move, until one day, she visited him in his 'home', and revealed herself to be an Irken - once destined to become an Invader, until the telescope incident blacked out Devastis. She crippled his base, and set about to take over Earth for herself.

Enlisting Zim's help, he managed to chase Tak away - the Earth was his, not to be conquered, but to be studied.

Some time later, Dib was recaptured by Sizz-Lorr (during a presentation in which he was attempting to convince his classmates that he was the alien and Zim was a human - what a screwed-up AU this is turning out to be) and taken back to Foodcourtia against his will. He was reinstated as a fry-cook, and Sizz-Lorr had timed his capture so that Dib would arrive just in time for the great Foodening to begin again. As payback, Sizz-Lorr planned to leave the planet and take a vacation during the Foodening. Dib escaped - barely - by hiding himself in food and letting himself get eaten by a Blob, bursting out of the Blob's stomach when he was safely past the doors, and stealing a space taxi to get home.

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This wacked-out AU is for roleplaying purposes only. Jhonen Vasquez, ruler of all, and Viacom, and Nickelodeon I guess, own Invader Zim. Fo' realz. Don't ask where this AU came from. Even I'm not sure.

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